‘B’

To truly understand what is to come, I need to tell you a little bit about my sister since she is a central component and character in this story too. My relationship with my sister is, and has always been, complicated. Though I would say this would be true more on her side than mine, as to me as a girl our relationship was quite simple really – I idolised and adored her. I had called her ‘B’, which was short for her real name, for as long as I can remember. She was my best friend and someone I looked up to constantly. B is two years older than me but as a child a two-year gap can seem much wider, especially when one is entering puberty. She grew early and was tall, not just in comparison to me, but to her classmates as well. She was the tallest in her class for years until early high school. I remember at one point she would have been a foot taller than me until I finally caught up in my mid-teens. She was sassy too. Though I was too young to remember, I was told as I grew older that B threw terrible tantrums as a young child – ear-piercing and violent in nature. She also experienced night terrors throughout her childhood, whereby she would sleepwalk; screaming and physically lashing out as though someone were trying to murder her. Mum and Dad couldn’t calm her. 

As she reached her teenage years this transformed into a rebellious streak, leading to frightening arguments with my parents and live-in grandmother. At 14, she began skipping school and sneaking out at night to meet with a young man who was seven years older, which culminated in her running away with her best friend and being returned by the police. Although she was completely different to me in nature in these respects, at that time I admired her for her wilfulness, and I saw her as absolutely wild and beautiful. She had long, brunette hair; high cheekbones and naturally full lips; pale skin that could also tan easily; and eyes that were so dark that you could barely distinguish her pupils. She also had a lovely hourglass figure; slim but curvaceous. While my breasts were a perky handful with nipples that would solute the sun, hers were fuller and rounder. Despite these personality and physical traits, she had not had sex or experienced anything of a sexual nature with a man either; with kissing being her highest level of intimate involvement.  I’ve seen it many times, even in myself, where a young woman has a grown body; an independent mind; a budding sense of her own power of sensuality and sexuality; and yet an absolute innocence to the adult realities of life and men. 

We had some amazing times together growing up through the 80’s. We’d practically grown up barefoot, running around with the girls and boys in our neighbourhood; riding our bikes everywhere; exploring local areas where we were, and weren’t, supposed to go. We were that generation where parents didn’t even know where their children were, and although we didn’t wear watches, the fading light was our timekeeper and we knew to be home by dark. We also loved to perform together – singing, dancing and performing skits either just the two of us or with friends – which at one point we charged our unfortunate neighbours money to watch. We camped out when we were living on a hobby-farm that my parents bought; we rode horses together; shared secrets; and loved the same music which we stayed up late taping on video and cassette. I thought we had the best sisterhood in the world. Although we loved a lot of music back then, by both males and females, as girls we had grown up influenced predominantly by popular singers at the time like Bananarama and Wendy James from Transvision Vamp. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that now, but in the scheme of things (that I’m sharing otherwise), it seems odd to think twice about sharing this. We had modelled ourselves on them in style for quite some time – me particularly in my early teens, before evolving into my own individual and changing style after leaving school. 

Comparing the two of us at the time, B would have been considered the stronger and more dominant sister, and me the weaker and submissive sister. She was influential in every component of my life; whereas those my own age could not even touch me with their influence. Yet relationships are fluid and are always evolving. It is interesting how the so-called strength and power in a relationship can shift over time, as this is certainly true of us as I grew from a child to a woman. From shy and timid around strangers, I became the strong and resilient one; the one who sought independence and didn’t let fear intimidate me into inaction. It is also interesting how two children in the same family can view their childhood through extremely different lenses. However, I’m going way too far into the future with this.